I have purchased myself flowers before, but this time was different.
Today was long. One of those long days where everything feels like it is going to make you cry. Exhaustion was hugging me today and squeezing tightly. I managed to get through the day, but it was far from easy.
As I looked at my bank account, I couldn't decide if I had money or not, but I know I needed things from the grocery store. I dropped my son off for his last day at gymnastics and went to grab what I needed. The entire time I was in there, I wanted to cry. I just wanted to go home, I just wanted life to stop requiring my presence, even if for a moment.
I sucked it up and chanted my gratuity list in my brain. I am grateful for the job, that pays for the food. I am grateful for the love and support of my parents. I am wealthy because I can afford to eat nourishing food. The list goes on. This conversation went on for roughly 40 minutes. As I stood there, checking out of the grocery store, I began to yearn for some flowers.
Now I have purchased flowers before. But this time, it was like I needed the flowers. I needed to gift myself something that acknowledged that I was doing an amazing job. Regardless of if I felt like it in that moment. I needed to comfort myself and "give myself my flowers."
Naturally, I did not. I left the store, with only the necessities.
When it was time to pick my son up from gymnastics, it officially was a very long day. However, I made it just in time for their little award ceremony to commemorate the last day of gymnastics. He got a cool medal, and a certificate for perfect attendance. And there it was, the straw that broke the camel's back and my cherry on top. He got an award for perfect attendance. We never missed a class.
We got back in the car, and I drove back to the grocery store and purchased my flowers. I charged my credit card and grabbed a sunflower and rose mix. In that moment, I allowed myself to recognize what I was doing well, instead of what I could be doing better.
You see, the reason I did not get the flowers the first trip was because my car was dirty. I had dishes in there from rushed morning drop offs. A gym bag from a week of failed attempts to get to the gym. I had laundry to do and laundry that needed a home from 2 weeks ago. I had a sink full of dishes, series of socks with no mates, I needed to change my bed linen, and clean all the bathrooms. I needed to do bedtime with affirmations.
I needed to be excited for my son, even though I just wanted to go home and sleep.
The day I bought myself flowers was because I rarely recognize the work I do accomplish. Like getting my son to his gymnastics class, every week, on time. Getting him in bed, full on love so that he may have sweet dreams. Getting up early to try and not let my dreams die. All the things.
So today, I bought myself flowers. Because I deserved them.