Why I started building my dream life.

I used to obsess over lifestyle bloggers. I still do. They seemed like the tangible version of my HGTV fantasies. They always looked pulled together, they had wonderful tips, beautiful homes, and great recipes. They were crushing the whole adulting thing. In a world where shit felt underwater, those people had a yacht and they were cruising sipping on a mimosa, basking in the sunlight.

In my dream life I was one of them. I followed "the rules" (whatever the hell that means), I wore the brands, I bought the things. One would say I am easily influenced. Honestly, I loved it. For some it may sound weird, but I secretly felt like these people were my friends. My friends that cared about decor, style, grace, and sharing through stories.

When I decided to begin to build my dream life, I knew this was the life I wanted. I wanted a space that sounded like me, reflected me, and people could visit as often as they liked. However, it was not what I expected.

When I decided to start building my dream life it was because my real life wasn't giving me fulfillment. I felt hallow and mundane. Though there is nothing wrong with the mundane, I didn't have anything to look forward to at the end of the day. My hours were filled with other things for other people. I was a mom, a worker, a driver, a grocer, a cook, but what was I to me? I didn't have anything for myself.

When I made the decision with my head, my body did not get the memo. I wanted to be a blogger, or a media personality, I wanted to curate, I wanted to build this alternate world and make people feel good. When I think about it now, I wanted my space to be the life raft for someone and help them get on the yacht with me. There were enough mimosas for everyone!

I sat down in front of my computer and all the emotions took over, but they weren't the ones I expected. Fear, self-doubt, self-consciousness, downright audacity and disgust. After trying over and over, I felt like maybe my dream life was just that, a dream. Maybe I was not cool enough, wasn't wealthy enough, did not know enough.

Why?

Because I made up stories in my mind about those people. Their homes never dirty, their clothes always ironed, and not a broken nail in sight. Because they were naturals. I excluded myself before really applying what I know. That everything comes together with practice.

I try and not give up on myself. So, I did what I could, building my confidence in other places. Publicly discussing how I felt while engaging with a dream I have always had, but never given myself permission to access. Today I updated my website, recorded and published my second podcast episode, and am excited to begin transitioning my IG to another space. Today, I feel unstoppable. And today, I decided to grant myself access to my dream.

I started building my dream life because it isn't a part of me for decoration. There is something in me that is built for this. I can't wait to show up boldly. I can't wait to add a space to share. I can't wait to inspire others to grant themselves access to their dreams also.

Because we are all worthy of our dream lives.